Bryan Bordash
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Papa Johns Pizza
I have a pizza theory. It consists mainly around two theoretical types of pizza. The first is artesian pizza, or "fancy" pizza. These are the types of pizza you would find at a more expensive sit down restaurant that offers stuff like stone oven fresh baked or something similar. Typically non chain restaurants, you get the idea. You go out with your spouse/family to these places and sit in. It's good quality pizza. This pizza is trying to impress you. Sometimes it succeeds. You spend more, but the quality is there.
The second type is garbage pizza. This is mega-chain-tastes-the-same-across-north-america pizza. Places like dominoes, pizza-pizza, and suprise, papa johns. But it does something the fancy pizza doesn't: it satisfies your inner filth of a human being. It scratches that primal hunger at 2am that only a Big Mac can fulfil. It's garbage, it knows it, and it knows you want it BAD. Because sometimes you feel disgusting and places like papa johns capitalize on it.
That's why papa johns gets 5 stars. It does the filth so well. It makes me regret it a day later- but not the night of. When I go to fancy places I get a lot of toppings. They taste fine. When I go to papa johns I rarely get anything other than a pepperoni and cheese pizza, and my pea sized reptile brain squeals in ecstacy when it opens that cursed box to see the same pep and cheese it has seen countless times before at 2am on a Friday.
See you next weekend
The second type is garbage pizza. This is mega-chain-tastes-the-same-across-north-america pizza. Places like dominoes, pizza-pizza, and suprise, papa johns. But it does something the fancy pizza doesn't: it satisfies your inner filth of a human being. It scratches that primal hunger at 2am that only a Big Mac can fulfil. It's garbage, it knows it, and it knows you want it BAD. Because sometimes you feel disgusting and places like papa johns capitalize on it.
That's why papa johns gets 5 stars. It does the filth so well. It makes me regret it a day later- but not the night of. When I go to fancy places I get a lot of toppings. They taste fine. When I go to papa johns I rarely get anything other than a pepperoni and cheese pizza, and my pea sized reptile brain squeals in ecstacy when it opens that cursed box to see the same pep and cheese it has seen countless times before at 2am on a Friday.
See you next weekend